Caning of beer-drinking model a sign of true equality in Malaysia

Now that the Malaysian government has retained the services of a global PR firm, APCO, surely the spinners will be able to come up with some innovative communication strategies to limit the damage to the country's international reputation caused by the decision to cane Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno, a woman who was caught drinking?

Here are some suggested approaches to assuage the outrage of the international media:

1. "It's part of our new equal opportunities drive". Men are routinely caned in Malaysia for a variety of criminal and religious offences so, in a forward-thinking, egalitarian society such as this, why shouldn't women have the same opportunity? 1Malaysia, 1Cane.

2. "It's part of our crack-down on binge drinking". International journalists, particularly those in Britain, will know what a scourge binge drinking can be, wreaking havoc in town centres every weekend.

As part of Malaysia's responsible drinking framework, there will be fewer happy hours, higher tax on alcohol, a ban on alco-pops and, of course, caning for any women caught drinking.

3. "It's proof that Malaysia is a truly multi-racial society". The government is keen to ensure that racist (sorry, I mean racial) harmony is maintained in the cultural melting pot that is Malaysia. And it understands racial sensitivities.

Therefore, Chinese or Indians are free to drink until their livers pack up, as alcoholism is a fundamental part of their wanton cultures. But in order to uphold the dignity of the true sons and daughters of this nation, Malays cannot drink (unless they are rich enough to do it in private clubs and/or pay off the religious police).

4. "Kartika is actually being treated very leniently in a sign of Malaysia's deep compassion". While judicial canings are pretty brutal, as this video (not for the faint hearted) shows, Kartika is getting off pretty lightly.

She will be caned while fully clothed and kneeling down, using a thin little stick that's just designed to cause a mildly unpleasant sensation - akin to being tickled, some say.

As Harussani Zakaria, one of Malaysia's most-eminent religious scholars put it, this caning is just designed to "shame her and educate her", rather than tear her flesh irreparably to pieces like normal caning sessions.

"Even if a person is caned 40 times, it won't cause death," he explained. And if that doesn't reassure you about Malaysian compassion, then nothing will.

Welcome to Malaysia, Truly Asia.

Malaysian government brings in PR firm, will need all the help it can get

The Malaysian government has appointed APCO, a global PR firm, to advise it on how to engage with the public and the media.

When I covered the stock market in London, the appointment of a new PR firm by a troubled company was usually the equivalent of the band on the Titanic striking up a new cheerful tune: they may be hoping to lighten the mood but ultimately the ship's still going down.

Amusingly, the men and women in suits who are being shipped out to Kuala Lumpur reckon they can help strengthen "the government’s online and other strategic communication capabilities" by deploying "seasoned professionals...who are on the cutting edge of new media".

Do these spin doctors know anything about Malaysian politics? The government and the ruling party have been completely outflanked by the rise of the internet in Malaysia, as shown by this week's humiliating climbdown over the planned new firewall.

It's not that the government doesn't understand the internet but, like so many incumbent Asian governments with authoritarian instincts, they are both scornful and fearful of engagement.

Although companies like APCO like to pitch themselves as "public affairs consultants" their main business is spinning, judging by the comments of APCO chief executive Margery Kraus, as reported by trade magazine PublicAffairsAsia [comments in square brackets are mine]:

“Malaysia continues to demonstrate that it is a major player in Asia [a major player like India, China and Indonesia or a major player like Thailand and the Philippines?], one of the great manufacturing nations for electronics [an industry that's beset by low margins and has been hit hard by the economic crisis] and a sophisticated participant in global markets across many sectors [presumably you're referring to cross-border deals like the failed buyout of ailing British lorry maker LDV],” said Kraus.

“APCO’s ability to leverage strategic communication capabilities across borders mirrors the kind of leverage Malaysia has achieved in its approach to business and trade [ah by leverage, I presume you mean corruption, cronyism and rent-seeking], making this a natural location for our expansion [i.e. we go where the money is]."

Hat-tip to Unspun.