Sunday, August 23, 2009

Caning of beer-drinking model a sign of true equality in Malaysia

Now that the Malaysian government has retained the services of a global PR firm, APCO, surely the spinners will be able to come up with some innovative communication strategies to limit the damage to the country's international reputation caused by the decision to cane Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno, a woman who was caught drinking?

Here are some suggested approaches to assuage the outrage of the international media:

1. "It's part of our new equal opportunities drive". Men are routinely caned in Malaysia for a variety of criminal and religious offences so, in a forward-thinking, egalitarian society such as this, why shouldn't women have the same opportunity? 1Malaysia, 1Cane.

2. "It's part of our crack-down on binge drinking". International journalists, particularly those in Britain, will know what a scourge binge drinking can be, wreaking havoc in town centres every weekend.

As part of Malaysia's responsible drinking framework, there will be fewer happy hours, higher tax on alcohol, a ban on alco-pops and, of course, caning for any women caught drinking.

3. "It's proof that Malaysia is a truly multi-racial society". The government is keen to ensure that racist (sorry, I mean racial) harmony is maintained in the cultural melting pot that is Malaysia. And it understands racial sensitivities.

Therefore, Chinese or Indians are free to drink until their livers pack up, as alcoholism is a fundamental part of their wanton cultures. But in order to uphold the dignity of the true sons and daughters of this nation, Malays cannot drink (unless they are rich enough to do it in private clubs and/or pay off the religious police).

4. "Kartika is actually being treated very leniently in a sign of Malaysia's deep compassion". While judicial canings are pretty brutal, as this video (not for the faint hearted) shows, Kartika is getting off pretty lightly.

She will be caned while fully clothed and kneeling down, using a thin little stick that's just designed to cause a mildly unpleasant sensation - akin to being tickled, some say.

As Harussani Zakaria, one of Malaysia's most-eminent religious scholars put it, this caning is just designed to "shame her and educate her", rather than tear her flesh irreparably to pieces like normal caning sessions.

"Even if a person is caned 40 times, it won't cause death," he explained. And if that doesn't reassure you about Malaysian compassion, then nothing will.

Welcome to Malaysia, Truly Asia.


  1. It will take more than a glitzy PR firm to compensate for Malay stupidity

    Every time someone from government opens their mouth they put their foot in it. It would then take the PR company days to invent a spin to cover up the innate stupidity.

    Sheesh... it would take a whole PR team just to cover Muyhiddens nonsense

    Its a lose/lose situation

  2. Good one, Ben. Appreciate your help in ridiculing the medieval mad mullah mindset that will continue to plague 21st century Malaysia so long as the rightwing Umno/Barisan Nazional holds on to power. For my own take on this issue, go here.

  3. I always questioned this qustion what are religions Submission to GOD the rules of laws and to life I came across this teaching of a holy man. He said to the religious crowd he who had not sinned pick the first stone and cast it to the wrongdoer they shattered. What SIN DOES HE/SHE commits to drink beer than the man WHO canned who insult the pride. The HYPOCRITES WHO HAD NOT SINNED than a crowd sitting around a table having a nice time chaterring with a can of beer in hand. BEER IS NOT A SIN BUT MAN. AMEN GOD BLESSES US

  4. Dense,

    I don't see a difference between UMNOputera's and racists like you.

  5. Are you f***ing kidding me

    When a b'lacan eater kills her baby (for example by stuffing it into a school bag) = no caning

    When a B'lacan eater steals millions of dollars from the pilgrim's fund = no caning

    Yet raise two happy healthy children and be married but drink a beer = jail + caning

    That's pretty f**** up

  6. It is time the ruling goverment to start to dismantle the religious law that has been created by the minority group in malaysia.It time to change this stupid law.

    How about an idea of suing the goverment and the religion heads for allowing beer/acohol to be manufacture,distributed and sold in the market place?.
    Get the biggy and the head of state not the small peoples if the Islamic Department want to enforce the stupid law.

    Otherwise, kill the idiot islamic extreamists before it grow.